Yummy, yummy, yummy I've got toast in my tummy.

I like good food. I really do. Alas, I never remember it very well, and have a pallette that has taken quite a hammering for one so young. I probably don't taste food as well as other, fatter people, but I still love it. And I eat anything, but remember very little about the specifics of what I've eaten, which often leaves one feeling inadequate when making remarks such as 'Is this one a cashew nut?' or, 'What's that cooking style called, when you put stuff into a hot box with metal coils inside? Y'know, people do it with bread and pop-tarts.'

I also like crap food. Today, I'm eating toast, with processed cheese slices, and some heritage chicken slices, with a bit of green label cutney on. I ate a Burger King the other day, cos I like em. And fried chicken. And 99p Ginos Pepperoni pizza. Had a pot noodle on saturday. All of these foods are great. If I am what I east, then I'm cheap and ready-made. What about everyone else? Does anyone else like crap food, and have particular favourite crap foods. (Staggs chili doesn't count, cos that's haute cuisine)

Ridicule is nothing to be scared of

Prince Charming, me. Smooth.
What was your number one?

Back once again for the Renegade Master

Wow, a lot's happened while I've been away. The pope died. Shame, I liked the pope. The pope smoked dope. He also advocated the plague, he must have been too mashed to put on a condom. Who would've thought anyone would pay attention to a 90 year old virgin?

Camilla Parker Bowles isn't a virgin, and had to repent on TV. I forget why, the Daily Mail probably put her up to it. Slapper, in the eyes of the Lord. But less so than Di.

There's been an election called. Terrible stuff.

So let's play swapsy and solve everyone's problem. The pope marries camilla, thus exonerating her in the eyes of god, and curing the dead pontiff of his virginity. Tony Blair can become pope, which allows to him make crude misjudgements about global politics based on some spurious religious ideas. And Charles can run the country, solving the problem of an ineffectual monarchy and ending the dreadful prospect of a one-month Blairite eulogy in the Daily Mirror. Only Piers Morgan hasn't got a place. He can edit my blog, while I smoke the pope's dope.

Are you thinking what we're thinking?
No. You racist fucking wankers. I mean, how hard can it be to kill a Tory.

Is it just me...
Or is Zoe Williams a better journalist than that column she does. One day she's Orwell, the next she's Gary Bushell. I've read the inside cover of the Weekend Guardian for weeks expecting something good, and it never quite arrives. Her comments are usually good, and I'm sure Zoe used to have a column about top things you wouldn't know if you have a job, and it was brilliant. I seem to remember 'smoking a spliff in the bath' being one of them.