WANTED

Terrorist. Threat to democracy. Nutter, this guy. Should be shot for treason. Can't stand the sort. Fucking ingrate. Here's the evidence. It works in these new cases. If you see any of em, let us know. You can tell them by how they look.

WANTED

For murder

FREE TO GOOD HOME

Guns, Arms, semtex, balaclavas, map of London, beards, signed photo of Liam Neeson as Michael Collins. Contact Paddy O'Oirish. Would suit Fundamentalists of Islamic variety.

For Sale

EVERYTHING MUST GO Plastic Boobs 99p, AA tokens 15p each, one good knee £20, crutches £2, a cheeky tongue signed by Colin Hendry and Steve McManaman (reads 'S McMa') £5, Jimmy Five Bellies, 10p. Leave money in my hat, Tottenham Court Road Tube, near the Central Line.

(Heresy, I know.)

SPOTTED

Healy's Comet
Only seen every 76-8 years. Let's all do the bouncy.