FOR SALE

Darren Bent Like Bobby Zamora but shitter. Send letters of interest to Division one

FOR SALE

Glastonbury Ticket

FOR SALE

Political support for oppresive regimes contact Saudi Embassy, Washington or Iranian Embassy, Paris. Only oil rich countries need apply.

OFFERED

Political support for oppresive regimes contact George Galloway. Middle-men necessary, money not essential. Will work for narcissism.

FOR SALE

Manchester United football kits, keyrings, bog brushes, duvet covers, team and national captains to Real Madrid, Asian tour t-shirts, Rio's cocaine, executive collectibles, lampshades, mousemats, phone covers and shares because it's a private limited company stupid. Not suitable for BSkyB or JP McManus. Not for sale according to fans who love the wealth, replica kits and tack.

FOR SALE

Two Hoodies as seen on Crimewatch. £80. Quick sale needed to pay a public order Fixed Penalty Notice.

Morning has broken

some one told me
morning sky is red
And all the birds are singing
To try and get your bread

Have you ever seen a bird cry
Or try
To swim instead

No,
Cos some of these are only true
When sleeping in your bed.

Stay asleep some longer,
When you wake there is no sound

And the sky will be blue again
And there'll be no bread on the ground