Things, can only get better.... can only get better

How fucking brilliant. About time Osama bin Laden decided to stand down. Years, he's been leading the global jihad, and al-Qaeda. Apparently, he was forced to step down by a large hog in the neighbouring cave, who did his head in so much, that he said it was about time he published his memoirs and settled down in the suburbs. His dialysis machine needed replacing too. He called the last few years 'Not the best of times that al-Qaeda's had. It was all such a laugh at first, I was the credible alternative. Pretty, from rich stock, a smile to make your daughters go wet. Play army against the Russians, just like in Rocky IV. Then all these bombs started going off, people wanted me out of the way. So bollocks to 'em. I'm going, screw this fucking al-qaeda party. I never believed in it anyway, I just like to be liked. It's not even a party, there's no Whitney Houston for starters. I just want to dance with somebody. Yeah, somebody who loves me. Say you want to dance, don't you want to dance, with me baby. Say you want to dance..." At this point, the footage went grainy and large bangs were heard, as the fight to suceed him began.